Do’s And Don’ts Of Teen Rebellion

Hey, homeschoolers! This weekend I met a fellow homeschooler who was down about her homeschooled child's rebellion. She wondered if homeschooling had even been worth it because of what was happening. I did my best to encourage her because I have been there. Because I haven't addressed this topic on the podcast before, I wanted to share what I told her and even more if I had had the time. Watch on YouTube Introduction Before I start by sharing three key do's and don'ts for teen rebellion, I want to say that I'm sorry if you're experiencing this. Few things can be more demoralizing to a homeschool mama. I remember the day my normally compliant teen walked into homeschool gym class, eating a granola bar. I said, "You know we can't eat in the gym. Go to the breakroom to finish that." And right in front of my homeschool friends, he smirked and continued to eat it right where he was. Don't worry if your teen's behavior is far worse. That wasn't the full extent of my teen's rebellion, either. Rebellion hurts our feelings for sure. Before this day, I had a great relationship with my child. But in addition to hurt feelings, we are also terrified about the potential consequences of serious rebellion like lying, stealing, drinking, using drugs, having sex, refusing to cooperate, being violent, or rejecting Christ. We've all heard the horror stories, so when our teen defiantly eats a granola bar in the gym for all the homeschool world to see, it can feel like we're going to be someone else's cautionary tale. If and when your teen rebels, I believe God will guide you. I didn't know the mom or her daughter, so the counsel I gave had to be generic. That is the case on this podcast too. If something I say feels right, wonderful. If it doesn't, dismiss it. You won't hurt my feelings. With that caveat, let's dive in. Don't Blame Yourself My first DON'T is don't blame yourself. All loving mothers take too much responsibility for their teen's choices, but homeschool moms take this to a whole new level. That first bite of granola bar after I sent my teen out of the gym was evidence of my failure as a mom. We only studied obedience as a separate unit study once. We should have done more! We should have memorized more Scripture! I hadn't used enough consequences or the right ones. And on and on. What is funny to me is that my strong-willed son takes after his father, yet I didn't blame my husband. I blamed myself. I'm not suggesting that we pass the buck. But why (if we are co-parenting) do we tend to think it's entirely our responsibility to raise godly kids? That aside, the problem with blaming ourselves is we feel like failures. We can get depressed. We may want to quit homeschooling. We may surrender to the rebellion and fully expect the rest of our children to behave likewise. And they just might if we blame ourselves. The worst problem with blaming ourselves, however, is that we take the burden of responsibility from our teen--where it belongs. Imagine if you stole something from a store and the store owner chased you down to say that it was all her fault for not making it clear that stealing wasn't allowed or making it too easy for you to steal. You would be astonished! But that is the insanity we engage in when we take the blame for our teens' poor choices. Now, I'm fully aware that parents are usually blamed in our culture for kids gone wrong. It hurts when that blame is misplaced. But our focus must be on helping our teen, not worrying what others think.