132: How to Get Your Relationship Out of the Dry Place

Summary Brian Mayer talks filling up your partner emotionally especially when you relationship has run dry.  The episode is extremely personal for me because my wife and I have discussed entering a very dry period individually and in our relationship.  We have discussed being intentional in our relationship and so today we will discuss a few ways to get there so that both you and your partner feel fulfilled in your relationship.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com Today's Goodies This is a very personal episode for me because I have entered into a dry place in my life and in my relationship.  If you have been with someone long enough this is most likely going to happen.  For some people it is something more conscious where specific decisions are being made that are purposefully done to create distance.  However, today I am focusing on those of us who do not intentionally do something to drive a wedge, but more probably the lack of things done that create a wedge.  I have gotten in this place where the podcast is doing well, my business of working with couples and individuals is going really well in counseling and I begin to subconsciously pour much more of my energy into those places and so what get’s left out.  My marriage, family, and friends are what gets left out.  The good news though about this is that I have finally come to grips with this dry place and want to do something about it.  It took awhile which involved lots of thinking, lots of discussions with God, and lots of discussions with my wife.  I started to notice over the last year that my patience with things my wife would say was wearing thin.  Additionally, I would often times feel the urge to say something about something she did or said that did not sit well with me.  This is something that of course over the life of the 20 years that we have known each other would happen but not to the level over the last year.  We both determined that the lack of positivity, doing and saying the right things toward each other was not there and so more negativity had begun to creep in to take a foothold.  Prior to coming to this realization, I said a couple of times that I would stop the negativity that I could see was coming into my heart and coming out through my lips.  However, this would be somewhat short-lived until the next time something flared.    I discovered that what was missing was filling my marriage and my spouse up with positive deposits.  It is kind of like a bank account in some ways, that if there is a lack of funds being deposited, that when withdraws need to be made you can feel it just a bit more.  So with you my listener as my accountability partner, here are the things I am committing myself to.  And by the way before I start to talk about these things, I want you to think through your own relationship and determine what ways you might add to the emotional love tank.  So here is what I am committing to:   One night a week, my wife and I will be turning off the TV and putting aside the phones.  Instead we will engage in one of 3 types of activities together – playing cards or another game, doing a maintenance type project around the home, or doing a daily devotional together that centers around our relationship with God. We will pray together everyday.  The prayers will center around getting closer to God, forgiving each other, offering thanksgiving to each other, and asking for blessings for one another. We plan to also do a daily individual devotional as well because in our relationship we probably are actually out of balance in not doing enough individually.   There might be other things that we can do, but ultimately we will center things around these three things.  As you can see they all either directly all the time or some of the time focus on our Christian faith and walk with God.  I have decided that I am dry in my relationship and marriage because my relationship with my heavenly father is also dry.  Are you in a dry period in your relationship?  What will you commit to today to reinvigorate your relationship?  Just make it small.  One, two, or three easy things you can commit to start seeing the wheels turn in the other direction.  Resources: None Mentioned Thanks For Listening! With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode.  If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!  ​ As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.