32: Learn How to Forgive

Summary Brian Mayer talks about forgiveness.  He talks about the difficulty in which we all have to grant and accept forgiveness.  He will discuss this from a biblical perspective as well as a secular perspective.  Brian will talk about what forgiveness is and what it is not.  After today’s message, the hope is that the mystery will be taken out of forgiveness and that you will begin to practice this together.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com Today's Goodies Forgiveness in relationships is one of the hardest concepts to teach and learn.  It also one of the most difficult to feel fully accepting of whether you are asking for forgiveness or seeking to receive it.  Forgiveness myths include:  Simply saying “I forgive you” but it is not really genuine, Forgetting, Condoning Behavior, Moving on, and Trusting.  These are not forgiveness, but often are either confused for forgiveness or the belief that they are all part of what forgiveness is.   Forgive in the Greek means to literally to send away from one’s self, to hurl away, or to leave behind.  It can also mean that something is no longer owed.  It can be described as simply letting someone off the hook and that there will no longer be a continued emotional or mental punishment for the offense.   Let’s turn to the Bible to see what it says about forgiveness.  But before I begin we need to be clear that our forgiveness as human beings is not like God’s forgiveness.  God’s forgiveness is complete, immediate, and he does not take his forgiveness back.  Matthew 18:21-22:  Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?  Up to seven times?  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”    Psalm 103:12: As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.  Ephesians 4:31-32: Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ. After discussing what the Bible says, why is it not easy for us to forgive.  It is definitely not. Also before I get into the difficulty in forgiving, let me say that if you are in an emotional, physical, or sexually abuse relationship your safety trumps everything and you must work to leave the situation if you are in danger.     Why is Forgiveness Difficult? We may not fully understand what it means.  It does not mean forgetting, it does not mean allowing bad behavior to continue, it does not mean immediately trusting again We may not be ready.  Humans often need time to process issues and emotions before being able to make a decision on forgiveness We may feel like we forgave one day, and then wake up the next and have bitterness and complete disdain for the person.  Forgiveness is a process and it may take you time for it to fully take hold. When someone else keeps doing the same thing several times, forgiveness becomes more difficult.  Again, if someone keeps doing the same things then again maybe it is not forgiveness that needs to be first but boundaries or distance may need to come first.  How Do You Know that Forgiveness Has Taken Place Relationships are sometimes restored, but not always. You are able to wish for good things to come to the other person and you might even be able to pray for them You either have a positive or a neutral opinion of this person.  The negative opinion has disappeared. You will have less stress, less depression, and less anxiety.  You may have heard that unforgiveness is like taking a poison pill and hoping the other person dies.  Or unforgiveness is like allowing the other person to live in your mind rent free.  An excellent movie showing the power of forgiveness is called Unbroken – The Louis Zamperini story.  He was an American pilot who crashed into the Pacific while searching for another lost aircraft.  He was captured by the Japanese and severely beaten for 2 years until the end of World War II.  In 1950, after much prodding he decided to make a return visit to see his captors.  He ultimately forgave them all for what they did to him.    Forgiveness is not easy and is a process so don’t give up on it.  You will receive a reward if you do choose to forgive.  Resources None Mentioned  Thanks For Listening! With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode.  If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. It would be extremely helpful, it you would consider leaving a rating and review on Apple devices at iTunes  or on Android devices at Google Play as it will help the podcast reach others who need help in rebuilding life and relationships. The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!  ​ As always remember that marriage is nothing something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.