71: Purposeful Relationships with the Whole Family

Brian Mayer talks about how we can get caught up in a very common negative atmosphere of a stepfamily.  You might be riding the wave of this negativity but maybe it is time to stop surfing the wave and purpose to make changes.  It’s hard to be a leader when the troops don’t follow though for sure.  We will give you some helpful tips on this area.  We hope you are inspired by what you hear today.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com Today's Goodies With the turning of the new year, now is a great time to really think about those relationships you have with your spouse, the kids and the stepkids.  We can often get caught up in life and taken things for granted so let’s take a bit to talk through how to be more purposeful with your relationships.  Ever heard the bible verse, “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  This can be found in Romans 12:18.  The key part of this is that as much as depends on you because we often know that you might do you part and still not get anywhere with the rest of the family. My wife Heather has admitted she has often found that difficult, but she would say (and rightly so) that if my love and effort are not going to be reciprocated then what’s the point.  She would come back to say something like well I am the adult and it is more so on me.  Still hard though.  I also love this Teddy Roosevelt quote, “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."  This quote means that you should keep pushing because what you might be doing is certainly valid and good in spite of the reactions you are getting.  So now that you are inspired to do something different, what types of things should you do to help change the atmosphere in the family? Here are some ideas:  Start a Game Night and rotate who gets to choose what game to play.  Also as an added bonus, allow the person that gets to choose the game to have the power to change one rule.  The rule will then be called by their name.  Of course make sure the rule change is clear prior to playing the game.  Develop a State of the Union meeting that you can have individually with your spouse and then with each child.  Depending on the size of your family, it might only be 15 minutes each.  Make the meeting as informal and least scary as possible by doing the following: Have a small snack Sit side by side Ask Questions like, “How has your last week been” or “What would you like to see differently in our family”  At the dinner table, start what I call an “Appreciation Wave.”  Have each person stand and say something they appreciate about the person sitting to their right (ask them to be specific, so if they say they appreciate their brother being “nice” make sure they give something specific that shows how they were being nice).  Once they complete the appreciation, the next person can stand and state an appreciation about the person on their right.  Of course make sure to switch up the seating or switch up which direction etc to give it a different feel every night.  What are some things you have been thinking about doing?  What would you like to implement in your own family?  What is holding you back?  Is it comments or attitudes by the others in the family.  If you truly believe that what you want to do will bring the family together, then do it!  You can change and tweak as you go.  Ever heard of the Minimum Viable Product in the business world.  This a product that has just enough to satisfy some early customers but through time and feedback can continually be made better. Probably things like the smart phones and the continual different iterations that they go through is an example of this product maybe being minimally viable but continually having bells and whistles added.  Don’t be afraid to take a chance and implement something today.  Often times the silliest and craziest ideas turn out to be the best ones.  So make sure that this coming year is intentional and purposeful.      Resources: None Mentioned Today Thanks For Listening! With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode.  If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!